Without any crap here they are:

1. Never leave a bagel in front of a desk top fan or heater, it makes it go stale.

2. Never leave a laptop on top of a huge subwoofer, it bounces.

3. You will not understand the opposite sex.

4. Winamp random sometimes hates you.

5. You can't time someone with waffles. They don't keep good time.

6. That thing in the back of your fridge is probably a cure for cancer. But It'll probably give you ebola.

That is all. If this has helped you, please remember to wash your underwear.